We should only say good of the dead.
Charlton Heston is dead.
Good.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Friday, November 9, 2007
A Thought for Veterans' Day
The Parable of the Old Man and the Young
So Abram rose, and clave the wood, and went,
And took the fire with him, and a knife.
And as they sojourned both of them together,
Issac, the first-born spake and said, My Father,
Behold the preparations, the fire and iron,
But where the lamb for this burnt offering?
Then Abram bound the youth with belts and straps,
And builded parapets and trenches there.
And stretched forth the knife to slay his son.
When lo! an angel called him out of heaven,
Saying, Lay not a hand upon the lad,
Neither do anything to him. Behold,
A ram, caught in a thicket by its horns;
Offer the Ram of Pride instead of him.
But the old man would not do so, but slew his son,
And half the seed of Europe, one by one.
-- Wilfred Owen was a World War I soldier, killed a week before Armistice was declared on the Eleventh Hour of the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month of 1918.
When the telegram arrived which notified his parents of their son's death, church bells were peeling to commerate the end of "The War to End War."
So Abram rose, and clave the wood, and went,
And took the fire with him, and a knife.
And as they sojourned both of them together,
Issac, the first-born spake and said, My Father,
Behold the preparations, the fire and iron,
But where the lamb for this burnt offering?
Then Abram bound the youth with belts and straps,
And builded parapets and trenches there.
And stretched forth the knife to slay his son.
When lo! an angel called him out of heaven,
Saying, Lay not a hand upon the lad,
Neither do anything to him. Behold,
A ram, caught in a thicket by its horns;
Offer the Ram of Pride instead of him.
But the old man would not do so, but slew his son,
And half the seed of Europe, one by one.
-- Wilfred Owen was a World War I soldier, killed a week before Armistice was declared on the Eleventh Hour of the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month of 1918.
When the telegram arrived which notified his parents of their son's death, church bells were peeling to commerate the end of "The War to End War."
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Maybe Rudy's Secret is, uhm, "Family" Values
If you believe (not that I do) one of the strands of the JFK Assassination Conspiracy Theory, the Mafia resented that they helped Mayor Daley of Chicago steal the election for JFK and Attorney General RFK started arresting mobsters.
There's evidence emerging that perhaps, just maybe, native New Yorker Rudy Giulani's success in prosecuting people such as John Gotti and his cohorts came from inside information from competing interests in organized crime. They were all from Rudy's old neighborhood.
Rudy (this was a while back; a couple of wives ago) put Gotti in the slammer and it propelled Giuliani into the Mayor's office of New York. Uhm, just after the *first* Islamist attack against the World Trade Center. And while he was Mayor, Rudy refused to coordinate communications between first-responders and (although he was advised against it) placed NYC's Crisis Center in... the World Trade Center instead of in a less-likely target such as Brooklyn or Queens. There were city-paid rentals to be bestowed, you see, in the WTC.
Just how did that work out on 9/11, Rudy?
No one has ever been elected Mayor of NYC without embracing some element of corruption.
That's just the way it is in NYC.
No matter how much you hate Hillary Clinton, her closet has been cleared of just about every imaginable skeleton. Just wait 'til we learn about Rudy.
Romney (who believes Jesus was an American) and McCain (who believes -- today anyway -- that America hasn't killed enough brown people in the MidEast) and Huckabee (who believes America really craves another Arkansan from Hope) and Brownback (who believes every sperm is sacred) and Fredrick of Hollywood (who believes the Presidency might be a juicy role) will work hard to reveal the shortcomings of Rudy ("Honk if I've Married You") Giuliani.
I, for one, would put any of the Democratic candidates up against any of the Republic Party's hopefuls.
As George WMD Bush said, "Bring 'em on!"
What could possibly go wrong?
There's evidence emerging that perhaps, just maybe, native New Yorker Rudy Giulani's success in prosecuting people such as John Gotti and his cohorts came from inside information from competing interests in organized crime. They were all from Rudy's old neighborhood.
Rudy (this was a while back; a couple of wives ago) put Gotti in the slammer and it propelled Giuliani into the Mayor's office of New York. Uhm, just after the *first* Islamist attack against the World Trade Center. And while he was Mayor, Rudy refused to coordinate communications between first-responders and (although he was advised against it) placed NYC's Crisis Center in... the World Trade Center instead of in a less-likely target such as Brooklyn or Queens. There were city-paid rentals to be bestowed, you see, in the WTC.
Just how did that work out on 9/11, Rudy?
No one has ever been elected Mayor of NYC without embracing some element of corruption.
That's just the way it is in NYC.
No matter how much you hate Hillary Clinton, her closet has been cleared of just about every imaginable skeleton. Just wait 'til we learn about Rudy.
Romney (who believes Jesus was an American) and McCain (who believes -- today anyway -- that America hasn't killed enough brown people in the MidEast) and Huckabee (who believes America really craves another Arkansan from Hope) and Brownback (who believes every sperm is sacred) and Fredrick of Hollywood (who believes the Presidency might be a juicy role) will work hard to reveal the shortcomings of Rudy ("Honk if I've Married You") Giuliani.
I, for one, would put any of the Democratic candidates up against any of the Republic Party's hopefuls.
As George WMD Bush said, "Bring 'em on!"
What could possibly go wrong?
Friday, October 12, 2007
The George WMD Bush Presidential Library
Plans have been released for the G.W. Bush Presidential Museum, which will contain the following:
The Alberto Gonzales Room - Where you can't remember any of the exhibits.
The Hurricane Katrina Room – (Still under construction.)
The Texas Air National Guard Room - You don't have to even show up.
The Walter Reed Hospital Room - They won't let you in.
The Guantanamo Bay Room - They won't let you out.
The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room – Nobody can find it.
The War in Iraq Room - After your first tour is finished they can force you to go back again and again and again…
The Dick Cheney Room - In an undisclosed location, you can shoot a close friend in the face.
Later, check out the K-Street Project Gift Shop where you can buy an election, or if no one’s monitoring it, steal one; and don't forget to visit the Men's Room for a meet and meat with a Republican Senator!
There will also be an entire floor devoted a 7/8 scale model of the President's ego.
When asked about the plans, the President said he didn't care so much about the individual exhibits as long as his museum was “better than his father's.”
The Alberto Gonzales Room - Where you can't remember any of the exhibits.
The Hurricane Katrina Room – (Still under construction.)
The Texas Air National Guard Room - You don't have to even show up.
The Walter Reed Hospital Room - They won't let you in.
The Guantanamo Bay Room - They won't let you out.
The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room – Nobody can find it.
The War in Iraq Room - After your first tour is finished they can force you to go back again and again and again…
The Dick Cheney Room - In an undisclosed location, you can shoot a close friend in the face.
Later, check out the K-Street Project Gift Shop where you can buy an election, or if no one’s monitoring it, steal one; and don't forget to visit the Men's Room for a meet and meat with a Republican Senator!
There will also be an entire floor devoted a 7/8 scale model of the President's ego.
When asked about the plans, the President said he didn't care so much about the individual exhibits as long as his museum was “better than his father's.”
Friday, September 21, 2007
Friday, December 15, 2006
Stewed Duck
On the same day his un-funny comic strip "Mallard Fillmore" complained about non-alcoholic eggnog, word got out that right-wingnut cartoonist Bruce Tinsley has been arrested twice in the last few weeks for Drunk & Disorderly and DUI.
I always suspected Rush Limbaugh couldn't say all the stuff he spews without being on drugs. Now we know more secrets to the Republican Party's thought process.
Whatever will Tinsley do now that he can't run "Ted Kennedy drinks" gags anymore?
Lame Duck schadenfreude...
Monday, November 27, 2006
Random Thoughts
Square Dance: The other rap music.
---
I wasn't a good student. Bad test scores. Didn't get into Hamburger University. Had to go to Hamburger Junior College for two years. Got my Associates Degree in Pickle Placement.
---
I am a humanist, just as my cat is a catist. Only natural to back the home team.
---
Ideals (revised) -- The truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth. Pick any two.
---
Yogism: When you think about it, everything you could think of is there without thinking about it.
---
Why? Why? Why is the moth attracted to the flame? What sends the lemming to the sea? What is the capital of North Dakota? Some questions are unanswerable.
---
It takes 3,000 cows a year to make one season's worth of NFL game balls. Makes me wonder who trained 'em to run those sewing machines.
---
Forgotten Historical Figures -- Michelangel'os brother, Tony, who painted the Sistine porch.
---
Nearly half of all marriages end in death. No wonder divorce seems like the better option.
---
Why dont they just train regular cranes to whoop?
---
Rod McKuen: The most understood poet in America.
---
Then she told me, "The sexual revolution has come and youre no Castro."
---
PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE
If you were one of the 7 Dwarfs, which would you be?
Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc, Bashful, Happy, Grumpy, Dopey
---
Snow White is all about drugs.
Snow White? Coker.
Dopey? Obvious.
Happy? X.
Bashful. (Paranoid)
Doc. The connection.
Sleepy. Downers.
Grumpy? Jonesin'.
Sneezy, Remember that scene in Annie Hall?
---
If you were a character from The Wizard of Oz, who would you be?
-- Look out for the flying monkey people.
---
And then I told her, "This isnt puppy love, this is *dog* love."
---
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happy hour.
---
She said: "My body is God's temple and my soul is the caretaker. Like a custodian of a church, ya know? And you don't let just anybody come up and stick his dick inside a church."
---
My football career ended early, right after a tackling dummy stopped me three yards behind the line of scrimmage.
---
I didn't make it as a terrorist. They sent me to blow up a car but I burned my lips on the tailpipe.
---
She's raising money to build a drive-up window at the Eye Bank.
---
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most ferocious animal on earth.
---
Elizabeth Taylor-Hilton-Wilding-Todd-Fischer-Burton-Burton-Warner-Fortensky (for those of you at home keeping score)
---
Ban on aerosols! Riot squads armed with roll-on mace.
---
I have a friend who says he's gonna quit his job to serve the Lord (but only in an advisory capacity).
---
He told his dog to heel and pup stopped limping.
--
The best Christmas gift I ever got was a Deluxe Ant Farm With Ant Tractor, Ant Cows, Ant Chickens. A dragon fly as a crop duster
---
Little Known Fact: Alligators wont eat you if youre carrying a flashlight. It all depends how fast you carry it.
---
I used to work at a Japanese Fast Food place, where you took off only one shoe.
---
Getting old isnt so bad. But when your memory goes, forget it.
---
A Rousing Cheer for People with Short Attention Spans
SIS BOOM BOMBS AWAY!
COME AGAIN SOME OTHER DAY
CLOSE THE COVER ON YOUR MATCHES
COUNT YOUR CHICKEN WHEN IT HATCHES.
---
She was looking for someone like her father: an old man who gives her money and sleeps with her mother.
---
He's a very organized guy. I've seen him filing his fingernails. I usually cut 'em off and throw 'em away.
---
Swanson Angry Man Dinner
---
Swansons Cryogenic Turkey Dinner -- Pop it in the microwave, the turkey comes back to life.
---
...they got together for a heart to heart talk and nearly froze to death.
---
So ugly his mother got morning sickness after he was born.
---
He told his kid about the birds and the bees. Kid told him about his wife and the mailman.
---
When he was a kid playing in the sandbox, the cat tried to cover him up.
---
Good taste is timeless, and good times can be tasteless.
---
There are teddy bears. Why no teddy tigers? Teddy lions? Teddy iguanas?.
---
A loaf of bread, a bottle of wine, and a thou beside me in the wilderness.
---
Bad Hangover. Tried to commit suicide by pouring milk over Rice Krispies.
---
Cleveland Street is never in a good part of town.
---
My uncle has dedicated his live to devloping a sculpt-by-number kit.
---
Time heals all wounds. Unless it gets infected, in which case time leaves a scab.
---
Family Haircare Emporium Quartet Harmony.
---
I'm in an Edna St. Vincent malaise.
---
Which are you, a terrific roll in the hay or a turkey in the straw?
---
I have trouble remembering three things: names, faces and something else.
---
Just how many people in real life call a toilet the bathroom bowl?
---
I tried to donate my body to science; science is contesting the will.
---
I stayed awake last night trying to figure out the difference between Ricardo Mantalbon and Fernando Lamas.
---
They claim Dr. Joyce Brothers knows a lot about boxing. No way. I decked her with three left jabs and a right cross.
---
He was an only child, so had no playmates. Had to play with himself. Tried to go pro.
---
Remember that kid in middle school who always showered alone after gym class? His mother was afraid he wouldn't like undressing in front of a room full of pubescent boys. My, how wrong she was. Turns out he really likes it now.
---
I got these sleeping pills that promised, "You'll sleep like a baby." Wet my bed.
---
Résumé entry: Goodyear Rubber, Akron Ohio. Blimp Folder
---
In real life, there is no algebra.
---
I wasn't a good student. Bad test scores. Didn't get into Hamburger University. Had to go to Hamburger Junior College for two years. Got my Associates Degree in Pickle Placement.
---
I am a humanist, just as my cat is a catist. Only natural to back the home team.
---
Ideals (revised) -- The truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth. Pick any two.
---
Yogism: When you think about it, everything you could think of is there without thinking about it.
---
Why? Why? Why is the moth attracted to the flame? What sends the lemming to the sea? What is the capital of North Dakota? Some questions are unanswerable.
---
It takes 3,000 cows a year to make one season's worth of NFL game balls. Makes me wonder who trained 'em to run those sewing machines.
---
Forgotten Historical Figures -- Michelangel'os brother, Tony, who painted the Sistine porch.
---
Nearly half of all marriages end in death. No wonder divorce seems like the better option.
---
Why dont they just train regular cranes to whoop?
---
Rod McKuen: The most understood poet in America.
---
Then she told me, "The sexual revolution has come and youre no Castro."
---
PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE
If you were one of the 7 Dwarfs, which would you be?
Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc, Bashful, Happy, Grumpy, Dopey
---
Snow White is all about drugs.
Snow White? Coker.
Dopey? Obvious.
Happy? X.
Bashful. (Paranoid)
Doc. The connection.
Sleepy. Downers.
Grumpy? Jonesin'.
Sneezy, Remember that scene in Annie Hall?
---
If you were a character from The Wizard of Oz, who would you be?
-- Look out for the flying monkey people.
---
And then I told her, "This isnt puppy love, this is *dog* love."
---
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happy hour.
---
She said: "My body is God's temple and my soul is the caretaker. Like a custodian of a church, ya know? And you don't let just anybody come up and stick his dick inside a church."
---
My football career ended early, right after a tackling dummy stopped me three yards behind the line of scrimmage.
---
I didn't make it as a terrorist. They sent me to blow up a car but I burned my lips on the tailpipe.
---
She's raising money to build a drive-up window at the Eye Bank.
---
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most ferocious animal on earth.
---
Elizabeth Taylor-Hilton-Wilding-Todd-Fischer-Burton-Burton-Warner-Fortensky (for those of you at home keeping score)
---
Ban on aerosols! Riot squads armed with roll-on mace.
---
I have a friend who says he's gonna quit his job to serve the Lord (but only in an advisory capacity).
---
He told his dog to heel and pup stopped limping.
--
The best Christmas gift I ever got was a Deluxe Ant Farm With Ant Tractor, Ant Cows, Ant Chickens. A dragon fly as a crop duster
---
Little Known Fact: Alligators wont eat you if youre carrying a flashlight. It all depends how fast you carry it.
---
I used to work at a Japanese Fast Food place, where you took off only one shoe.
---
Getting old isnt so bad. But when your memory goes, forget it.
---
A Rousing Cheer for People with Short Attention Spans
SIS BOOM BOMBS AWAY!
COME AGAIN SOME OTHER DAY
CLOSE THE COVER ON YOUR MATCHES
COUNT YOUR CHICKEN WHEN IT HATCHES.
---
She was looking for someone like her father: an old man who gives her money and sleeps with her mother.
---
He's a very organized guy. I've seen him filing his fingernails. I usually cut 'em off and throw 'em away.
---
Swanson Angry Man Dinner
---
Swansons Cryogenic Turkey Dinner -- Pop it in the microwave, the turkey comes back to life.
---
...they got together for a heart to heart talk and nearly froze to death.
---
So ugly his mother got morning sickness after he was born.
---
He told his kid about the birds and the bees. Kid told him about his wife and the mailman.
---
When he was a kid playing in the sandbox, the cat tried to cover him up.
---
Good taste is timeless, and good times can be tasteless.
---
There are teddy bears. Why no teddy tigers? Teddy lions? Teddy iguanas?.
---
A loaf of bread, a bottle of wine, and a thou beside me in the wilderness.
---
Bad Hangover. Tried to commit suicide by pouring milk over Rice Krispies.
---
Cleveland Street is never in a good part of town.
---
My uncle has dedicated his live to devloping a sculpt-by-number kit.
---
Time heals all wounds. Unless it gets infected, in which case time leaves a scab.
---
Family Haircare Emporium Quartet Harmony.
---
I'm in an Edna St. Vincent malaise.
---
Which are you, a terrific roll in the hay or a turkey in the straw?
---
I have trouble remembering three things: names, faces and something else.
---
Just how many people in real life call a toilet the bathroom bowl?
---
I tried to donate my body to science; science is contesting the will.
---
I stayed awake last night trying to figure out the difference between Ricardo Mantalbon and Fernando Lamas.
---
They claim Dr. Joyce Brothers knows a lot about boxing. No way. I decked her with three left jabs and a right cross.
---
He was an only child, so had no playmates. Had to play with himself. Tried to go pro.
---
Remember that kid in middle school who always showered alone after gym class? His mother was afraid he wouldn't like undressing in front of a room full of pubescent boys. My, how wrong she was. Turns out he really likes it now.
---
I got these sleeping pills that promised, "You'll sleep like a baby." Wet my bed.
---
Résumé entry: Goodyear Rubber, Akron Ohio. Blimp Folder
---
In real life, there is no algebra.
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